How much of me am I willing to reveal? How much do you want me to?

… it’s more than just a masquerade.

Grade school classmate Fatima, my ever-righteous and favorite intellectual chat buddy who never fails to feed my ego by pumping a lethal combination of inspiration, encouragement, sarcasm and all that smugness into my being, got me going again for the kill.

Of course the staple part of our conversation was making fun of earthworms. Go figure. But what I most love about Fatsi is her ultimate capability of being able to match my idealistic philosophies, that one particular thing serving as the best dessert to cap off our regular talks.

_____

fmdcm3: ang galing nga! just in time!! apparently, they were just waiting for us to graduate!
Precious: *nods* *nods* *nods*
Precious: we have great destinies waiting for us!
fmdcm3: hehe!
fmdcm3: it’s happening now.
Precious: it’s fascinating how both of us share the belief that great things are in store for people like us
fmdcm3: of course we do! that’s partly why great things happen to people like us. we believe.
Precious: so many people ask me na super torture ang mga ginagawa natin
Precious: sabi ko
Precious: while the rest of earthworms are working and partying their time away, us, we’re able to do that PLUS we still have time
Precious: to learn and discover great things!
Precious: in short we do more!
fmdcm3: HAHAHA!
Precious: we accomplish more!
fmdcm3: you’re harsh on the earthworms! hehe
Precious: harharhar
Precious: we’re normal human beings who lead an extraordinary life!

fmdcm3: I wish we’d meet in Europe too. That would be great!
Precious: yeah!
Precious: my target though now is Manhattan, to walk the streets of Manhattan then work as a corporate lawyer for Citigroup Main HQ in NYC! I now work for Citigroup local for the Australian account as credit analyst
Precious: and do a parttime job for the UN HQ also in NYC as an int’l human rights lawyer
fmdcm3: wow!
fmdcm3: me, I’ll always be a research scientist.
Precious: tapos i’d jet set to Europe just to have coffee with an old dear friend who goes by the name and title Dr. Fatima Monteverde
fmdcm3: haha! I’ll visit you in your cities too! from june to august, Swedish days are supposed to last 20 hours. let’s see that.
Precious: our big dreams *sigh*
Precious: but i do trust our abilities and willpower to be able to do just that
fmdcm3: Of course we will!
fmdcm3: mas gusto mo ng city life no?
Precious: yeah
Precious: but i won’t mind a suburban life too
fmdcm3: Ako, mahal ko ang Los Baños setting.hehe
Precious:
Precious: for career, yeah city lie
Precious: life
Precious: but for family life
Precious: a suburb setting is just fine for me
fmdcm3: ok. for me, the city is only good for shopping! hehe
Precious: hehe that too!
Precious: i love walking the streets of ayala wearing trenchcoats and heels especially in the afternoon and seeing the lights at night
fmdcm3: That I’ll want to try in Europe!
Precious: London!
Precious: Amsterdam!
fmdcm3: Haha!
fmdcm3: I’d be near Stockholm!

_____

Hehe. I guess I need not say anything more.

(FATIMA MIA MONTEVERDE, my grade school classmate in Canossa School-Santa Rosa, graduated with a degree in Biology, "Magna Cum Laude", from the University of the Philippines-Los Baños. She’s set to leave for Sweden come January next year to start her work as a research fellow for the Marie Curie Institute.)

Hard work and sacrifice? These definitely pay! Seemingly endless nights of migraine attacks, multi-tasking (talk about memorizing law provisions, facts from cases and company process all at the same time!), coffee and tea for that ultimate caffeine fix and lack of sleep are nothing in comparison to being able to confidently volunteer to recite in one of the feared subjects in law school (Obligations and Contracts) and afterwards get the feeling that you’ve done well.

I just hope and pray that tonight won’t be the last; that what happened tonight may just really spell the encouragement I so badly need in order to justify my stay in UP Law.

I might have gotten yesterday my first 5.0 of the sem, which, I hope would not happen again, but the day definitely ended well with an eat-all-you-can merienda buffet at Dad’s G2, a perfect drink (vodka ice!) courtesy of future law colleague Jeanne, sassy accessories for a steal, fireworks and friends. I have such supportive
friends that for not hesitating even for a single second in going out with them last night, I give myself a 1.0. =)

Consumed by anger she had long been keeping to herself, she furiously grabs the nearest glass of brandy that is being kept idly in the hands of the stranger beside her and finishes it with such intensity that it amazed her.

She was Dawn. The little miss self-righteous consultant. Prude and prissy. Arrogant and self-contained.

"Who the hell do they honestly think they are? And who am I exactly to their eyes? I’ve been nothing but good to them. All I asked for was respect!" she muttered angrily to herself.

"I guess you’re gonna be needing another drink. Waiter, another one for the lady beside me," remarked the stranger beside her from whom she grabbed the brandy.

"Oh I’m sorry, it’s just… I’ll pay for it. It’s just…."

"Nah don’t worry about it. Must be a bad day for you."

"Exactly how do you think I look like? Do I look beautiful and sexy and smart enough for you to take seriously? As in seriously?" Dawn said in a pained and despondent voice as she faced the person beside her.

"Uh… Beautiful, yes. Smart, you do look like it what with the suit you’re wearing tonight. And sexy… you do look like one but…"

"But what?!" Dawn exclaims in an irritated tone after gulping and slamming down on the bar table her glass of newly-served brandy.

"Hey look. You’re okay. I just don’t think it might be appropriate for me to say something like that. You’re someone who looks respectable…"

"Respectable puh-leazzee!" Dawn cuts him off. "Every girl who is respectable isn’t, in any way, attractive!"

"I just said you are beautiful."

"But not attractive enough!"

"Okay, okay. Maybe we should place things properly so we could put things in a better perspective. I’m Mark and you are?"

(to be continued)

He doesn’t want me, does he? What’s wrong with me? Am I not pretty, smart, sweet, caring enough?

Why do I have to fall for him only to face the reality that I can’t really pretend that I’m strong as much as I’ve been wanting myself to be?

I wasn’t just one of the girls… or was I? God do I even have the right to ask these questions at this point in time?

Do I still have legit and valid causes to believe? Or am I just convincing myself?

More strength… More tolerance… More patience… More understanding…

_______________

It’s like I suddenly found myself chasing butterflies in my own Midsummer Night’s Dream. And it’s not even summer.

Now I know how it feels like to be the target of oversharing. Dude, I don’t need to know that for cryin’ out loud! Oh please, just because you got me watching a goofy cartoon film with you doesn’t mean I owe you. What you did that night and the other things you did days after plus what you are still doing now are the things that led me to completely blow my top off! Now I definitely do know what to avoid doing the next time. Or maybe I’d just do it with class. And I’d remind myself to change my Smart number next week.

*****

People who feel like you’re prone to committing blasphemy just because "Oh my god" (take note of the word "god" being in small caps) happens to be an expression of yours are nothing but bad news.

*****

I can ask why. But no I can’t die. No I can’t cry. How I wish you’d just be like those other jerks so I can deal with something that’s definite.

*****

The little screaming show early this morning plus the "bullshit texts"? I’m still seethin’ mad. I’m so torn inside-out that I wish I’m numb.

*****

Thirty-nine days to go before Christmas. I’ve changed my mind re my original wish (I’ll reserve that one out for my birthday, haha!). Could Santa possibly accomodate a really adorable golden retriever puppy for me on his sleigh? Does’t matter if it’s a male or a female pup. I promise I’ll be a good girl. @:)

*****

Every shopaholic’s fave scene (and film for that matter!): Pretty Woman. Now if I could only have an obscene, and if I might add, really offensive amount of shopping money…

*****

Blogthings said during my past life I was a gorgeous poet who lived in Ontario and died of natural causes. Hmmm… With an emphasis on the word "gorgeous". Haha.

*****

I admit. I’ve become an ass-kissin’ fool, my own ass saved from whacking for just one more day. Now where are those case digests and codals…

*****

As Angela put it, "I deserve nothing but the best", my definition of "best" as picturing myself, walking the streets of Manhattan donning a classy trenchcoat (see AJ’s pic), trotting in pumps (yeah Kat, I want a Christian Louboutin pair like AJ’s too!) while munching on inihaw na danggit or barbecued "dugo". Hehe.

1. Uminom ng Pepsi Max kung sawa na sa kape.

2. De-stress every 30 minutes with a headbanger song.

3. Avoid bed romps (hehe). The after-effect beats the purpose of keeping yourself awake.

4. Take Extra Joss and Glutaphos. So what if these do not work? At least you’ve conditioned your mind that these work so these should really work.

5. Huwag na huwag makikinig sa senti songs unless you want your thoughts to wander in the middle of trying to grasp the ideas behind uber-difficult cases and readings.

6. Take advantage of the free wifi at the law library but make sure that you did not take with you your laptop adaptor so dalawang oras ka lang magbababad sa internet, pretending you are searching for cases online when in fact, you are happily chatting away, hiding behind alternicks in PinoyExchange and updating your blog on Friendster.

7. Reading while in a moving vehicle is supposed to be bad for your eyes but when every second counts, especially when you’re riding the MRT and you happen to be standing, master the art of embracing the steel (iron?) bar with one arm and supporting your book/readings on the other. And if I may add, please, with poise. You’re supposed to look dignified when you’re a law student.

_____________________________

From Dean Agabin: Three professionals, a lawyer, a doctor and a priest were shipwrecked and as were thus, stuck in an island. The mainland is not that far from the island so the three just decided to brave the shark-infested sea and swim for it. The priest tried it out first. After a few meters, he was, unfortunately gobbled up by the shark. The doctor suffered the same fate. However, when it was already the lawyer’s turn, he was able to make it to the mainland alive. When the shark was interviewed on why it didn’t eat the lawyer, it was quoted as saying, "Oh, that’s professional courtesy." =p

From Howard Zinn, "The Optimism of Uncertainty"

An optimist isn’t necessarily a blithe, slightly sappy whistler in the dark of our time. To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness… And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.

It’s been a while since I posted my random thoughts and that’s not to say it’s a "kabawasan" in my average number of blogs monthly. Haha. Right Carla?

I must say, seeing familiar faces in the hallowed grounds of the UP Law Complex brought a really welcoming relief to the migraine that I was feeling brought about by the dripping enlistment sarcasm I had been expecting as early as three months back. Yes! Woohoo! Sarcasm brought about by certain people I’d rather not name for they’d be the ones I’d have to constantly woo for law school-related favors for the next… wah(!)… five years or so… Boohoo…

****

My dad placed third in the 2nd Jose Burgos Jr. Biotech Journalism Awards. The awarding ceremony was held at the Club Filipino while I was whining over the non-movement of the enlistment line in Malcolm Hall.

I am truly proud to say that my dad, Felicisimo "Momoy" B. Cardenas, a senior correspondent of Manila Bulletin for the last two decades, deserves to have his "iron rich rice article", his lone and unexpected entry, recognized as one of the top three out of the 245 entries submitted. Words are not enough to explain how or why. Or tinatamad lang talaga ako. Haha.

****

TO THE RUDE JERK WHO WAS AMONG THOSE WHO CONTRIBUTED TO MAKING MY SUMMER A REALLY GLOOMY ONE: And so I thought my day would end up right. The worst feeling is being ignored. Basic courtesy lang naman. I am not hoping or even praying that your time will soon come but somehow, the law of karma will catch up with you so I suggest being very afraid as early as now.