How much of me am I willing to reveal? How much do you want me to?

I don’t have to explain anything to anyone if I say that I still care. The phrase "I still care" isn’t anyway fully tantamount to the phrase "I still love".

Lalong hindi ko kailangang magmalaki. I’m blessed and grateful. To brag that more than a month after that "I’m doing just fine and the person I cared a lot for and yet hurt me maybe isn’t doing that good" is equivalent to being ungrateful to the One who showed me the Way when I was down and out and had almost given up.

If there’s anyone who could really understand me, it’s got to be my bestfriend, Valine. She has the patience of a saint and the motivation of a sublime aggressor. Not that I don’t recognize the way my other friends showed their concern and caring, it’s just that Valine never told me to nurture the anger and bitterness that was within me. She just stood by me, even if it’s only through phone calls and text messages, and gave me numerous "virtual hugs" and acknowledged what had been good in a relationship that turned sour and truly bad.

I must say, hearing from an old friend and dreaming that dream a day before triggered the feelings I had been trying to suppress since the conclusion of that chapter in my life. Or was there really a conclusion? Should I expect a new leaf, similar to what Irvin was telling me about?

For everything that’s worth, I still care. I still pray for the best. I’m a friend who once loved and yes, still loves. And though the love isn’t anymore like how it used to be, I still care. <hug>

(To give all my friends credit though, NO, it’s not that type of love, okay? You guys are more than right, I don’t deserve to give that type of love to someone who would leave me lying in the dust after everything. And this is not hurling bitterness or specifics either.)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 21st, 2006 at 9:07 pm and is filed under Me, Me, Me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.