How much of me am I willing to reveal? How much do you want me to?

There’s no dignified way of saying it especially when you know you are hurting.

I was told that since I was born under the sign of Cancer, I’m like the crab  -  hard and strong on the outside but could be easily penetrated to reveal what really is soft inside.

And maybe for once, just this once, I believe the stars. Like the crab, when hurt, I either retreat to my shell or go for that famous "side step" (words not originally mine). Translation? Either I try to justify things or pretend nothing is wrong when in fact, everything is breaking and tearing me apart.

I am naive. Apart from the otherwise negative description of such adjective from my internet bestfriend, Wikipedia, "naive" is also described as having a child-like innocence.

Maybe I still am a child. I believe in romance, in happy ever after endings of real life’s fairy tales. I believe in soft, sincere and passionate kisses. I believe in the power of flowers. I believe in slow and sweet dances.

People perceive me as having a facade of an aggressive, determined and brave person when in fact, yes, I still am no more than a child. I cry to seek for comfort. I cry to seek refuge from pain. I cry myself to sleep only to end up crying the moment I wake up.

I hurt people. I get hurt. I make persons I love most cry. The persons I trust and love most make me cry.

There’s no explaining it. There’s no justifying it even. Like the crab, the moment I knowingly plunge myself into a trap, there’s no escaping the fact that sooner or later, my softer and perhaps, weaker side will be revealed.

But still, at the last minute, I try to justify it: Crying doesn’t make me any less of a person anyway. =’(

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 29th, 2006 at 5:08 pm and is filed under Me, Me, Me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.