I’m sorry mom…
I’m sorry mom…
1. For shouting at you and saying you are "selfish" when I, myself, was the one who was selfish and was not thinking of how you must have felt that time physically and emotionally…
2. For hurting you when I disobeyed you into not doing "it" before marriage and giving in to a guy who eventually turned out to be the really "wrong" one who said nasty things about you…
3. For telling you that I knew dad’s mistress…
4. For telling you to look at yourself in the mirror and fix yourself up which often caused you to be insulted…
5. For bending your fingers rather tightly when I got frustated during the last time you were trying to remove your diaper…
6. For grabbing you by the shoulders angrily one time we were fighting…
7. For saying bad words everytime we fought back then…
8. For reminding you of your diminished capacities thus making you lose self-esteem when you, yourself, know that you "can"…
9. For not heeding your call immediately everytime you cry or ask for my help…
10. For not buying you things you deserve no matter how expensive these are…
11. For shooing you away from the living room countless times when all you ever wanted was to have a companion away from your lonely room…
12. For failing to call and check on you a day before your accident…
13. For lately, telling my accomplishments and stories only to dad…
14. For not massaging your feet, arms, hands and legs and only doing that to dad during the time when you could still walk…
15. For being embarrassed to be seen with you coming to fetch me everytime we had an event during high school days…
16. For cooking up excuses just so I would not go to mass everytime you asked me to do so…
17. For charging to your name a disconnected Globe postpaid account…
18. For initially being grossed out in wiping you when you need to heed the call of nature and clean yourself but just can’t because of your current condition…
19. For refusing to wash the dishes when Dad commanded me to do so and letting you do it…
20. For demanding that my clothes be ironed or washed overnight during high school days…
21. For letting you still wash our clothes after you got hospitalized two years ago…
22. For suffering the pain caused by dad’s belt because you shielded me from him when I was the one who was a naughty, disobedient girl…
23. For falling in the middle of EDSA in Ortigas after buying me a Jollibee Hetty bag and then having a big bruise on your knee because of it…
24. For dragging you to the mall after getting your salary from Congress even if you said you’re already tired…
25. For making you spend the money dad left for you in case of emergency and for basic needs for things or food that are not needed and just simply my whims…
26. For switching the channel everytime you are watching your favorite soap or movie…
27. For not appreciating your concern everytime you asked me what time I’ll be coming home because of the dangers of being raped, killed, etc.
28. For choosing to be with my friends rather than spend time with you and dad…
29. For cutting your clothes when I was a little girl and turning them into clothes for my Barbie dolls…
30. For being really mad at you when you were just trying to clean my very disorganized room…
31. For being really mad at you again when you "ruined" the ruffles in my black shirt while ironing it because you didn’t thought of it as a design…
32. For telling you to finish your food, nevermind the fact that you are in pain due to small bits of rice that stick in between your dentures…
33. For not knowing the fact that dementia sufferers shouldn’t undergo a straight catheter process for a urine sample, thus making you really suffer in pain…
34. For leaving you in the "care" of the gay beautician just because I am restless and could not wait and only went back after an hour of grocery shopping last Christmas…
35. For practically dragging you so we could hurry when you could still walk…
36. For not patiently teaching you how to use the computer…
37. For forcing you to text and not to call when you still had your cellphone…
I’m sorry for the countless times I failed to say sorry mommy… I’m sorry if I’m still selfish in not wanting you to go just yet because I want to make it up to you…
