Archive for February, 2006
I’m sorry mom…
Monday, February 27th, 2006I’m sorry mom…
1. For shouting at you and saying you are "selfish" when I, myself, was the one who was selfish and was not thinking of how you must have felt that time physically and emotionally…
2. For hurting you when I disobeyed you into not doing "it" before marriage and giving in to a guy who eventually turned out to be the really "wrong" one who said nasty things about you…
3. For telling you that I knew dad’s mistress…
4. For telling you to look at yourself in the mirror and fix yourself up which often caused you to be insulted…
5. For bending your fingers rather tightly when I got frustated during the last time you were trying to remove your diaper…
6. For grabbing you by the shoulders angrily one time we were fighting…
7. For saying bad words everytime we fought back then…
8. For reminding you of your diminished capacities thus making you lose self-esteem when you, yourself, know that you "can"…
9. For not heeding your call immediately everytime you cry or ask for my help…
10. For not buying you things you deserve no matter how expensive these are…
11. For shooing you away from the living room countless times when all you ever wanted was to have a companion away from your lonely room…
12. For failing to call and check on you a day before your accident…
13. For lately, telling my accomplishments and stories only to dad…
14. For not massaging your feet, arms, hands and legs and only doing that to dad during the time when you could still walk…
15. For being embarrassed to be seen with you coming to fetch me everytime we had an event during high school days…
16. For cooking up excuses just so I would not go to mass everytime you asked me to do so…
17. For charging to your name a disconnected Globe postpaid account…
18. For initially being grossed out in wiping you when you need to heed the call of nature and clean yourself but just can’t because of your current condition…
19. For refusing to wash the dishes when Dad commanded me to do so and letting you do it…
20. For demanding that my clothes be ironed or washed overnight during high school days…
21. For letting you still wash our clothes after you got hospitalized two years ago…
22. For suffering the pain caused by dad’s belt because you shielded me from him when I was the one who was a naughty, disobedient girl…
23. For falling in the middle of EDSA in Ortigas after buying me a Jollibee Hetty bag and then having a big bruise on your knee because of it…
24. For dragging you to the mall after getting your salary from Congress even if you said you’re already tired…
25. For making you spend the money dad left for you in case of emergency and for basic needs for things or food that are not needed and just simply my whims…
26. For switching the channel everytime you are watching your favorite soap or movie…
27. For not appreciating your concern everytime you asked me what time I’ll be coming home because of the dangers of being raped, killed, etc.
28. For choosing to be with my friends rather than spend time with you and dad…
29. For cutting your clothes when I was a little girl and turning them into clothes for my Barbie dolls…
30. For being really mad at you when you were just trying to clean my very disorganized room…
31. For being really mad at you again when you "ruined" the ruffles in my black shirt while ironing it because you didn’t thought of it as a design…
32. For telling you to finish your food, nevermind the fact that you are in pain due to small bits of rice that stick in between your dentures…
33. For not knowing the fact that dementia sufferers shouldn’t undergo a straight catheter process for a urine sample, thus making you really suffer in pain…
34. For leaving you in the "care" of the gay beautician just because I am restless and could not wait and only went back after an hour of grocery shopping last Christmas…
35. For practically dragging you so we could hurry when you could still walk…
36. For not patiently teaching you how to use the computer…
37. For forcing you to text and not to call when you still had your cellphone…
I’m sorry for the countless times I failed to say sorry mommy… I’m sorry if I’m still selfish in not wanting you to go just yet because I want to make it up to you…
From ‘Chasing Amy’
Monday, February 13th, 2006Saw these lines again while I was cleaning my old e-mail. Cute "torpe" lines.
I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we’re great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I’m sure that’s what you’ll call it. And it’s not because you’re unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You’re the epitome of every attribute and quality I’ve ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you’d ever consider. But I had to say it. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can’t look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can’t talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship -no pun intended- but I had to say it, because I’ve never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can’t hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn’t allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I’ll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitiation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not dismiss that -at least for ten seconds- and try to dwell in it. Alyssa, there is’nt another soul on this fucking planet who’s ever made me half the person I am when I’m with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it’s there between you and me. you can’t deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I’m forever changed because of who you are and what you’ve meant to me, which -while I do appreciate it- I’d never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of. - HOLDEN
The One: That Got Away
Thursday, February 9th, 2006Funny how I’ve recently been thinking about the term the "one who got away". Well, quite literally in its truest sense and not figuratively. Maybe it was because roomie Grace spoiled the fun and told me the story of the film "If Only" which I’ve been wanting to see for so long. I was only barred by the fact that it has a sad ending (or so its plot tells) quite obviously by using the term "the one that got away" on Jennifer Love Hewitt for their ads. And then while "illegally" checking my mail from somewhere, I chanced upon law blockie Astra’s "spam/forwarded" (hehehe…peace!) mail about the said term. The article in the mail was cute. Something that you bet could only happen in films. But it’s cute and if I may add, "nice" just the same. And so without further ado, here’s Mark J. Macapagal’s really "nice and cute" essay that was published in "The Manila Times".
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In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with…and the one that got away.
Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who everything was! great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.
I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.
How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint ! of that fact.
Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.
So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.
You’ll thin! k about them because you’ll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You’ll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you’ll have in your life.
If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.
Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to you! r lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.
But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple…find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one?
Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."
You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away."
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P.S. Sorry, just couldn’t help but post it in my blog. It’s really "cute and nice". Teehee =p
Ugh…Mornings…
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006"Stole" this from somebody else’s blog…
Cute eh? Ugh…this was exactly what I felt this morning and I’m pretty sure, the mornings (or "mawnins", quoting my hon) thereafter…
100+ Pogi Points
Monday, February 6th, 2006Maybe it was the pain that caused me hallucinating to the most wonderful of levels when you woke me up and lovingly gave the medicine to me.
I thought I died and went to heaven when I saw your angelic face, surrounded by white light and you garbed in the most wonderful of formal clothes that highlighted your best features…
And then I choked… Ugh, I could not swallow the Kremil-S - it’s nasty sweet-bitter aftertaste still in my mouth! As I took a second look at you I realized you were not wearing long sleeves dark blue polo shirt and khaki pants. Instead, you were wearing a dark blue jacket, white shirt and jeans. So much for dozing off and being awoken abruptly! But really… I could have sworn to the highest of heavens and challenged every bit of my sanity that you were wearing those long sleeves had I not been immersed in utter stomach pain…jeez…of all things…
And then I thought…"In that vision, I saw the guy I will certainly want to spend the rest of my life with…"
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P.S. Oh, did I say that you earned 100 + pogi points from taking care of me that night regardless of the clothes you were wearing? =)
