In a daze…
Though I’m fully aware that this post should be under the category of "law school", I am putting this under "me, me, me" because what I was talking about here constitutes a great part of what I’m dealing with today… I’m not ready, not just yet. For something that I was, almost a year ago, thought and chosen by a tough, really tough, panel of law professors as someone who was cut out for, I’m not ready to give up anything just yet.
Though I was in a daze, awe-struck with the magnificent structure that was the Malcolm Hall, home to the College of Law of the University of the Philippines, and not to mention afraid and all at the same time excited but much too unsure of deciding on what was to come, I at least knew that every single waking day of my life, I had something to look forward to, something I knew I had worked hard for.
In ten months, I have to make that decision on whether or not I should go back to UP Law, whether or not I should just save up for Lyceum Law which is much nearer to my place of work (yeah, like a couple of minutes, okay, at least five minutes, from my office in Makati), or whether or not to go back to law 
school at all. Though it’s primarily a question of affordability, as exactly quoted from the words of Sreeni, my new boss, it’s also a question for me of pride and letting go. Out of 3,000 2004 LAE applicants, I was one of those who was granted the honor to study law in the country’s premier law school. That is pride. Undoubtedly. Of the P400 plus or so cash that I had to allot everyday for photocopying and transportation fees, I still managed to allot P100 if that was the cost to spend quality time and build lasting memories with great friends. That is letting go… of which I’m not just yet ready to do.
But really, in this time of reflection for me, notwithstanding all those mentioned above, and not to mention my dad’s ardent desire for me to be a lawyer which is an unfulfilled dream of his, and yet again also my boyfriend’s dream (he’s a very hardworking and studious law student in San Beda, also a fresh grad when he took law thereby nullifying the statement of Sreeni that a fresh college grad is not ready for making concrete decisions like going to law school), is law school what I really want? Or is it just me and my pride that’s talking here?
Yes I’m in a daze… I don’t know what to do with my life save for some crappy dreams of being looked up and idolized like how I had been in high school…
I’m good in talking and writing, I think… but that’s another story…
