How much of me am I willing to reveal? How much do you want me to?

inexplicable… nostalgic… sad…
looking at the photos made me remember
i was stunned because i was hurt…
and yet i’m still stunned simply because…

Though I’m fully aware that this post should be under the category of "law school", I am putting this under "me, me, me" because what I was talking about here constitutes a great part of what I’m dealing with today… I’m not ready, not just yet. For something that I was, almost a year ago, thought and chosen by a tough, really tough, panel of law professors as someone who was cut out for, I’m not ready to give up anything just yet.

Though I was in a daze, awe-struck with the magnificent structure that was the Malcolm Hall, home to the College of Law of the University of the Philippines, and not to mention afraid and all at the same time excited but much too unsure of deciding on what was to come, I at least knew that every single waking day of my life, I had something to look forward to, something I knew I had worked hard for.

In ten months, I have to make that decision on whether or not I should go back to UP Law, whether or not I should just save up for Lyceum Law which is much nearer to my place of work (yeah, like a couple of minutes, okay, at least five minutes, from my office in Makati), or whether or not to go back to law school at all. Though it’s primarily a question of affordability, as exactly quoted from the words of Sreeni, my new boss, it’s also a question for me of pride and letting go. Out of 3,000 2004 LAE applicants, I was one of those who was granted the honor to study law in the country’s premier law school. That is pride. Undoubtedly. Of the P400 plus or so cash that I had to allot everyday for photocopying and transportation fees, I still managed to allot P100 if that was the cost to spend quality time and build lasting memories with great friends. That is letting go… of which I’m not just yet ready to do.

But really, in this time of reflection for me, notwithstanding all those mentioned above, and not to mention my dad’s ardent desire for me to be a lawyer which is an unfulfilled dream of his, and yet again also my boyfriend’s dream (he’s a very hardworking and studious law student in San Beda, also a fresh grad when he took law thereby nullifying the statement of Sreeni that a fresh college grad is not ready for making concrete decisions like going to law school), is law school what I really want? Or is it just me and my pride that’s talking here?

Yes I’m in a daze… I don’t know what to do with my life save for some crappy dreams of being looked up and idolized like how I had been in high school…

I’m good in talking and writing, I think… but that’s another story…

Just like my new badminton partner Fatima, the only thing that doesn’t hurt in my body is my left arm. Arrrgghhh! I can’t even scratch my darn back!

So much for the mission of losing weight. It surely didn’t help that after approximately two and a half hours of making “sulit” the P50 unlimited fee, I ate and slept right after (due to pure exhaustion) thereby drawing the conclusion of letting the lost weight (according to Jaja, I would lose weight if I exercise for at least 45 minutes and I played for two hours and a half which is approximately more than thrice 45 minutes!) come back again! And, hell yeah, so much for convincing my dad to lose weight too. As if I was not tired enough from the badminton session and going to Balibago to buy him newspaper, not to mention fixing our lunch, he made me go back to Balibago for another errand! And in the evening, he made me do the dishes, which, I didn’t do except to arrange it on the counter.

Oh but at least I knew that even though my partner and I were smashed to the ground (court..hehehe) by two snotty players, I still know how to play after all these years. Given the chance to have that gorgeous (and downright expensive, like, uh, P1000+) badminton racket I saw in Shangri La a year ago, I’ll give my all for the Philippine team like Manny Pacquiao. Hahahaha…If only I could make it this coming Saturday for me and Fatsi’s match…

The sweetest song I’ve ever heard sung by Regine Velasquez and Jacky Cheung.

_________________

Just a gentle whisper, tell me that you’d gone

Leaving only memories, where did we go wrong?

I couldn’t find the words then, so let me say them now I’m still in love with you

Tell me that you love me, tell me that you care

Tell me that you need me, and I’ll be there I’ll be there waiting…

I will always love you, I will always stay true

There’s no one who loves you like I do

Come to me now

I will never leave you, I will always here with you

Through the good and bad I will stand true

I’m in love with you

Now we’re here together, yesterday has past

Life is just beginning, close to you at last

And I promise to you, I will always be there I give my all to you

Living life without you is more than I can bear

Hold me close forever, I’ll be there…I’ll be there for you

Our love is forever, holding us together

Nothing in this world can stop us now

Love has found a way

I’m in love, I’m in love

Yes I’m in love, so in love

I’m so in love with you….