How much of me am I willing to reveal? How much do you want me to?

I thought last night was the perfect night.

I told you that I might just have to trim down so I could join the Ms. National Press Club next April and you said something about “bachelorhood” and “getting tired”. I didn’t get it at first and you had to, for four times, repeat what you said so I could understand. And when I finally understood what it meant, you had to take it back as just no more than a joke. But it was wonderful to have heard it from you just the same.

In the semi-darkness of the movie house, you were simply gorgeous. You looked really, really cute what with your fair complexion, boy-next-door-charms-and-haircut, your dark blue jacket, khaki pants and a wonderful whiff of your cologne all combining to make every girl who would have seen us together wish that we are not “together”. Then I abruptly said “I’m crazy about you” and right away comfortably snuggled in your heavenly arms. And you kissed me on the forehead.

On our way out of the crowded mall, you told me to wait for you near the door, that you just had to do something. My fickle senses on high alert, I thought you saw a girl you once really liked and just had to leave me in the middle of nowhere when you reappeared with a heart-shaped purple balloon for me. I thought it was cute. Really cute that I chose to ride a bumpy jeep instead of the LRT of whose lady guard just simply won’t let me in until I take away the air off the balloon (as if I look like a maniac who would blow the LRT again!).

And then you said something about the movie we just saw. You mentioned something that I don’t want to hear lest I want to have my ultra-sensitive me get hurt again. It was really an innocent remark, that is, if I won’t let my sensitive me get the better out of my rational me.

“How come some people, when they see a person, they instantly know that he/she’s the right one for them and that they’d do anything, even die for them, just to see them happy?”

….and along with a number of things that had my sensitive me interpreting:

“Will you ever see that I just maybe the one for you? I thought you acknowledged that…a couple of years before when, remember, you kept on calling me ‘Ms. Right’? Or was it just a passing fancy? Why the change? Haven’t I done enough to have the tides change and the wind shift to OUR favor?”

Or I guess I’ll just have to wait and pray that someday, God will grant that time make you see that maybe, just maybe, you’ll see the “me” who wants nothing else but for you to say “After all this time, after all the waiting and looking, you’re just here all along, the one for me.”

_________
“Nariyan ka lang pala, pinagod pa ang puso ko. Pero teka, sandali lang, may sasabihin ako sa ‘yo. Hindi kaya ikaw? Baka ikaw na nga. Meron ka bang nadarama? Akala ko’y wala. Parang ngayon, sa tingin ko, sa kilos mo’t galaw, siguro nga, ikaw na yon. Ano kaya? Ikaw ba yon? Siguro nga, ano kaya? Baka ikaw…” (Baka Ikaw, The Company)